Lately I’ve been finding myself contemplating the question of whether or not everyone feels the same way when they consume cannabis.
I know that there’s the stereotypical ideas of ‘getting high’ or ‘being stoned’, but I wonder how people would actually describe the sensation if they had to go into more detail. Is it really all about ‘couch lock’ or a ‘cerebral buzz’? For me in particular, I can sum up how it affects me in a relatively simple manner: it’s like flipping a switch.
Let me explain, Usually, I’m a relativity quite sort who spends much of my time procrastinating and trying to keep myself occupied so that I don’t slip into spirals of dark thoughts. I’ve struggled with my mental health for over two decades, but I’m the type of person who always puts effort into helping others without always considering my own needs.
I don’t speak my mind when I really should and I often find myself biting my tongue in fear that what I want to say will be misunderstood or come out wrong. Aside from writing (in many forms) I don’t really have many ways of expressing myself effectively and at times I get the sense that I’m alone in this world (despite the fact that I have an awesome wife who has my back and two kids who I love more than anything). I’ve always been like this really, I suppose, so I have learned to just take it all in my stride. It’s not perfect, but what is in this crazy world?
When I light up a joint, though, it’s like something ignites inside my brain and I feel like I become free. From the moment I exhale I feel a warmth spreading through the left side of my brain (always the left side for some reason) which brings a feeling of peace and calm followed quickly by a sense of exhilaration. I feel the smile creep across my face as I lean back into my sofa.
Moments later I’m speaking my mind without a care or concern for what people may think. I’m open, honest and very direct (which has worked wonders in keeping my marriage strong – most of the time I’m just stuck in my own head even when I’m sat with my wife) and I feel completely connected to the moment. It’s weird that so many of us spend our time dwelling on the past or worrying about the future when the present is the only thing which is real, isn’t it?
I feel energized and ready to take on anything from writing poetry to making music or preparing dinner to scrubbing the toilet bowl (definitely not in the reverse order!). Even the simplest and menial of tasks suddenly takes on purpose and direction for me when I smoke.
I joke with my wife that it’s like the something from a movie where all the equations appear in the air while the protagonist figures out the intensely complex problem in their head, yet it genuinely feels like everything makes sense. Chores which have been brushed aside suddenly rush to the forefront of my mind and I find myself doing four or five things simultaneously as I notice additional issues as I go about my business.
I dance about, I talk out loud to myself, I joke, laugh, rap, sing, play music loudly and generally just enjoy being alive for the simple sake of living. It’s a beautiful thing to forget your worries in these moments; I come to appreciate even the smallest of things and nothing can bring me down.
I organise my ideas, take notes, write reminders, sort out piles of things which seem to have appeared around the house and find it almost impossible to keep still or quiet. Quite simply, I’m a changed man
During the day I use CBD, as I can’t be ‘high’ at work, and I find that while it doesn’t give me the same level of ‘get up and go’ that THC delivers, it helps calm my thoughts and allows me to relax into what I need to get done. The fact that CBD is now pretty much legal in the UK (unless it’s flower, which is a shame) means that I can maintain a much better mental state throughout the day without having to resort to anti-depressants or an equivalent and this has made my life much more tranquil on a day-to-day basis. Whether it’s a sneaky vape or a few drops of tincture in the morning with my coffee, I have managed to find a balance between getting high in the evening and being mellow in the morning that allows me to turn up for work every single day without fail.
A few years ago, I was looking for reasons to call in sick, but now I’ve managed to get access to good quality bud without the stress of street dealers, endless phone calls and waiting around for shitty ten bags it all just seems to be falling into place.
It’s crazy to think that something which is still so demonized in its purest form has the potential to do so much for people. Even now, as I write this article, my only gripe is that my lifestyle choices and desire to self-medicate sit me in the realms of criminality and mean that I have to be cautious about who I’m open with for fear that my involvement with cannabis could come back to haunt me.
That’s not to say that I’ll stop (I tried that before for almost three years and it really did nothing good for me other than cause untold stress and give my lungs the chance to go smoke-free for a while), but when I sit and really think about how much of a positive impact this has on my very existence I can’t help but think that, ultimately, I have to follow my gut and worry not about the consequences which may or may not be. Like I said, the present is the only thing that matters anyway – and life’s good right now.
Written and Published By Psy-23 In Weed World Magazine Issue 143